If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
