Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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