I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
