organizing the empties. That sober.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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