OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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