just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
