If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize