i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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