it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
