people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
please don't ironically join a cult
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