You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
