4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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