And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
