My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
