I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
