I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
