I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
