Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
