hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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