I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
