just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
