Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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