insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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