Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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