i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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