The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just cropdusted the office
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
