Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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