Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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