Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have post one night stand depression
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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