Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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