I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
