You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
