You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we're so committed to being not committed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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