just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
