Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
