She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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