Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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