Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize