a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
