sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
