Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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