So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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