That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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