I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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