Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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