I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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