Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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