Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
