Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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