I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
