Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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