i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
