Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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