He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
4 words: hood of his car
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
