Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
