I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
