I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
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I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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