she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
