I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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