mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
