:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
