Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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