Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
