i think my mom watched the whole time
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
