i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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