look no pants
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
