Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
